Latest Issue of Black Petals Magazine

Check out my artwork in the latest issue of Black Petals Magazine:

https://www.blackpetalsmagazine.com/bp-114-3 .

Magic Sword

 

Give Me a Number 2 on the Sides

 

Snow Day

 

Red Sky in Morning...

 

Colours Don't Exist

        They're all in your head.

        Cells in your retina are sensitive to different wavelengths of light. Some more or less so in others. No one sees things in quite the same way, though close enough that someone direct another to a "red door" and others will understand, except in the case of colorblindness. Even then, people with this condition can figure out what objects are "red" by way of inference and contextual clues.

        These wavelengths are interpreted as different colors by your brain.

        Objects absorb and reflect these wavelengths of light that hit them. When we say an apple is red or an orange is orange, we are talking about the interpretation of absorbed wavelengths of light in the object. These wavelengths of light correspond to different colours which are measured in nanometers (nm). For example: yellow is approximately 600 nm and violet 400.

        Similar to the way in which humans perceive a limited range of sound frequencies we also perceive a limited range of wavelengths of light. Other animals perceive a broader spectrum.

        So, whoop dee whoo!

Powerful Kick

 

Banana

 

Twist

 

Eight Legs of Love

 

Friends and Criticism

Pick-pick-pick. Pick pick-pick-pick. 

I'm a critic, I pick things apart. To see how it works, for something to do, to talk shit.

You might see me reviewing or mocking a major motion picture. I don't know the people involved so there is a bit of distance. I wouldn't do this with a friend's work. Not in public at least.

In my view, most movies are not great, and often boringly cliched. I'm not going to say that about a friend's movie in public, that would make me an asshole. Even if I critiqued it privately, I wouldn't be that blunt. I don't mind it, though, critique my stuff. I'd prefer if it's something I could actually work on though. 

Heehee.

I'm proud of people for making things at all, that takes effort. I respect that you made a movie! That in itself is very fucking difficult!

By all means, I wouldn't want people to not create, even if you suck. Though I prefer those who don't suck to create of course. Maybe suck can refine into super. Maybe you must walk before you super.

Baby Delivery Service

       

         I had a friend who used to be a Storkazon delivery driver. The drivers rode giant mechanical storks door to door painted like white nurse's outfits. These opened in the center and you would drop the newborns down chimneys (people living in chimney free buildings can't afford children). This was also the method for dropping off electronics and grocery items... It got a little awkward when there was a delivery error, let me tell you....

        The newborns came fresh in amniotic fluid wrapped with parchment paper.  For a nominal fee you could get them pre-cleaned and dried ahead of time. If you selected "this is a gift" in your cart at checkout they would wrap a bright red bow around the baby's head.

 

        There was also an extra charge if you wanted a baby that matched. You would submit a swatch of yourself and your partner and they would blend the two like layered colored pencils.

        Otherwise... who knows... you ever get a "mystery box"?

        "Oh Janice, Little Sveny looks so much like you! He Has your nose -" 

        "Nope Storkazon! It's a good match, though..."

        "I thought his hair was a little rough..."

        Disclaimer: Remember to have something soft on the chimney walls and a foamy at the bottom.

Your New Pal

 

Dirty Light

 

Smoky

 

Sip in Peace

Good morning everybody and welcome to the highlight of human civilization.

Thank you for your unique brand of humour. Funny guy.

It's called Coffee with Scott Adams I'm sure you've never had a better time in your whole life.

Your unusual version of critical thinking left an impression on my mind. Unafraid to piss off your audience. Unafraid to speak out against injustice you saw it.

But if you'd like to take this experience up to levels that nobody can even understand with their tiny shiny human brains... 

The positive hypnotist that taught us how to brainwash ourselves for our own benefit.

All you need for that is a cup or a mug, or a glass, tankard, chalice or stein...

An energy MONSTER!

A canteen, jug, or flask, vessel of any kind... 

Dilbert, Real Coffee with Scott Adams, Reframe Your Brain, God's Debris, How To Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big... live on.

Fill it with your favorite liquid, I like coffee!

Cranky old man, who wouldn't put up with idiocy... in the best way possible.

Join me now for the unparalleled pleasure. The dopamine hit of the day. The thing that makes everything better...

You did so much in spite of the agony that plagued you. Feel no pain no more.

It's called the "simultaneous sip" and it happens NOW! GO!

Sip in peace.

Guffawing at Sincerity

Spray milk out my nose in giggling fits.

I can't listen to you serious fucks while eating. I'll tumble on the floor flailing my arms like a breakdancing turtle until I asphyxiate on your sincerity.

Maybe this is telling on me, but I think you people who hold this or that as so precious are corny. Everything is at least a little silly, depreciation is healthy.

Even as I deteriorate as an old man, catch me wandering the street tickled pink smile, last nubs of teeth showing as I hack my laughter to the punchlines of voices in my head.

You serious fucks who think everything you say is so precious lighten up. The World is a ridiculously confabulated contraption. Nothing sacred.

Last of the Ash

 

Snegnancy

 

Cutout

 

Forest

 

Globe

 

Punching Up, Criticism and Haterism

Recently, I've got into this strange entertainment niche...

Redbar Radio, a show that breaks down comedy specials and podcasts in a funny way.

My initial thought was that this was just people being jealous haters. Then it won me over with humour, and sometimes with legitimate artistic criticism. Is this the new form of literary criticism?

Redbar Radio is a long show, and over the course of the show they might break down tape on ten to fifteen different comedian-podcasters. It's more enjoyable when the host, Mike, criticizes rich, established performers. Those performers are going to be alright either way, so I don't feel too bad about it.

The part I find distasteful is when he picks on up and coming / struggling comedians. Then it starts to feel a little gross. I just feel bad for the performers.

Also, the criticism of these figures comes in many different forms, which you may get more or less mileage from:

Making fun of their performance, set design, production quality, etc.

Making fun of who they appear to be as a person.

Criticizing them for scamming or nickle-and-diming their audience.

Criticizing them for illegal / unethical activities.

Mike, does this thing which comedians do as well where they mix humorous segments with serious segments. This is something that allows comedians to weasel out of things because they blur the lines between seriousness and jokes, and claim things were just jokes to squirm out of backlash against them.

Certainly, I wouldn't try to censor any of this even if there are parts of this criticism that I find unfair or not to my taste.

What are your thoughts on this blend of humour and criticism?

Hand Hill

 

Holding Up Globe

 

Four Men

        Four men sit around slobbering into black bulbous missiles aimed at their noise holes. Their witticism hitting talking points confirming boomers. Can't joke about anything new. New is scary! People don't want to hear scary. They want a cozy blanket on their ears. Their ear hairs gently soaking sipping soothingly warm rooibos tea. They protect free speech. Kill a man, and get criticized: that's just cancel culture! They protect our parks. Most photographed fools in America.

Fireball

 

My grandfather was a lover of nature. He would always point out different animals and plants around the Manitoba countryside. There were these beautiful bright orange tiger lilies that grew in the ditch near my grandfather's place in the country. It's a different flower but I hope wherever he is he's enjoying the colour scheme of this drawing.