Pryckornia: Bag Your Own Groceries

                                               Pryckornia: Bag Your Own Groceries

                 This talk is small. The names have been changed to protect the retailers.

                Benchwick's produce is shite. They used to have the best prices in all of Mazetland, but then you would have to drive out to Fenwich. On their website they compare their prices on produce to others around Pryckornia. You know what they say... The fox watching the hen-house coughs up feathers. They being the voices in my head... Hello, Kieran! Hi, Rasputin!

                Paraguay's Round The Way Market just opened between my place and Sunny Day College, on the way to The University of Pryckornia. Instead of specials listed at the given price they give you specific discounts at the till. 20% off for produce, 50% off for meat, 10% off if you buy over $40 worth. Make me do maths? I thinks not! Call me old fashioned but I pre-calculated prices! Bullshit sales tactic.

             Breadfarm contains pleasantly plump sandwiches. I used to go there when there was a discount on them in the last couple of hours of the night. When they stopped that was enough. Their prices are higher than Frugal's! And the cashier is always have some AI teen with pre-programmed responses. You're a replicant, can't fool me!

             Ancientfarm is like Breadfarm but with excellent prices on produce. My pal, Cammie told me about it. Beep beep. I get what's cheap and vacate. Once I've found what I'm looking for I don't even open my eyes... my eyes which are attached to my stomach which is attached to my lack of willpower.... makes for an awkward check out and line-up. Lot of knocking things and beings over. Canadians are polite enough I usually don't get pushback they just take it.

                The East Coast retailer, Lack of Ornamentation, is moving in downtown. That's a place I'd check out. They're owned by the same parent company as Frugal's, Lockclaw's, who has their pincerlike grip on the balls of food eaters in the region. A comedian from Cold Metropolis talked about how they have hardcore rap music promoting their sale items: "Banana's nine nine cents / On your wallet our prices don't dent. What?! It's no frills! What?! it's no frills!" Can you use quotations in your imagination? Don't tell William Strunk.

                Out Of Country Hoser is great for when their chicken-fed pork-fished beef goes on special. Fill my freezer when it's in. Always call beforehand, because they're often out even on sale (order more?). 15% off groceries for employees: I should work there!

                Park-It On Bates has half-price muffins on Thursday evenings, so my buddy Jeffrey likes to stock up. Otherwise they have a stranglehold on downtown pricing. Sales are decent. They're also half a block away from Farm Space, where they provide all the "free" services, if you catch my drift. Even 28 / 9 couldn't make it there: across the street there is just a symmetrical black security fence, and a gap that looks like something out of a war zone.

                J Farts opened up at Stay-Here-Forever Mall. They have some pretty good sales on produce. Mostly asian, no value judgement, import products. I like to just wander around lost, checking out the labels I can't read with strange cartoon characters and celebrities that I didn't know existed. That I still don't know, really. Tasty spices!