I had a friend who used to be a Storkazon delivery driver. The drivers rode giant mechanical storks door to door painted like white nurse's outfits. These opened in the center and you would drop the newborns down chimneys (people living in chimney free buildings can't afford children). This was also the method for dropping off electronics and grocery items... It got a little awkward when there was a delivery error, let me tell you....
The newborns came fresh in amniotic fluid wrapped with parchment paper. For a nominal fee you could get them pre-cleaned and dried ahead of time. If you selected "this is a gift" in your cart at checkout they would wrap a bright red bow around the baby's head.
There was also an extra charge if you wanted a baby that matched. You would submit a swatch of yourself and your partner and they would blend the two like layered colored pencils.
Otherwise... who knows... you ever get a "mystery box"?
"Oh Janice, Little Sveny looks so much like you! He Has your nose -"
"Nope Storkazon! It's a good match, though..."
"I thought his hair was a little rough..."
Disclaimer: Remember to have something soft on the chimney walls and a foamy at the bottom.
Ha! Like the opening paragraph. Great piece.
ReplyDeleteThat sounds crazy. Storkazon! Then again i hear china is developing a pregnancy robot with an artificial womb that will try to do away with the need of a real mother carrying it. But it could be fake news haha. The baby needs nutrients passed down from the complex cellular structure of a human and probably other things too. So probably fake.
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